


Not The Prank Wars Again, Severus

by IHealRages



Series: Seasons of Love [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Deaged Severus, Established Relationship, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Indulgent Harry, Jealous Draco, M/M, Not to be taken seriously, Over the top characters but not really OOC, Prank Wars, Severus lives and is still snarky, Some Fluff, bodyswap au, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 14:05:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13503104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHealRages/pseuds/IHealRages
Summary: Eighth Year fanfic where Snape is alive and messing with people.Harry and Draco are dating but have been hiding it, but after getting caught making out in the potions cupboard they find out why Severus was able to take on all of the Marauders single-handedly.





	Not The Prank Wars Again, Severus

**Author's Note:**

> I needed an outlet for the excessive number of Boku no Hero Academia chatfics I've been reading over the past few days, but I've never written crack before so this was pretty fun.

  


Dear ~~Diary~~ Journal,

I didn’t know Potter had a diary, but I’ve already read some of the past passages and Merlin I’m gay.

 

Anyway…

Waking up in Harry McFucking Potter’s body was NOT fun. They were dating but this was taking it too far.

It took me hours to tame his fucking hair, and did he have even one piece of fashionable clothing? No. He didn’t, I checked, multiple times.

Then WEASEL had fucking spoke to me. And I had to stop myself from punching him, just seeing him when I first woke up in the morning made me want to scrub myself to get the dirt off.

Oh but the shower had been entertaining.

I’ve already made fun of Weasley’s family twice this morning, and his dopey, confused face made it 20x more worth it than when I am in my own body.

A few of the insults I’ve made so far were:

I can give you my autograph if you want, maybe then you won’t be so poor.

Some people say brains have the same worth as gold, you wouldn’t be familiar with either would you Weasley.

TBC, I need to think of more insults if I’m going to be sharing a room with him...

-

 

He walked downstairs seething silently.

This was Sev’s fault. It had to be. It’s because he caught him making out with Harry in the potions cupboard a few days ago during class and they’d broken one of his ingredient glasses. Now he’d gotten revenge.

He walked to the Great Hall and he had to go and sit with the fucking Gryffindors because otherwise he would look suspicious. AND SEV WAS FUCKING SMIRKING AT HIM THAT WANKER… The Gryffindors were talking. Ugh who talks this early in the morning, they wanted to talk to him and it was far too early in the morning for him to be spoken too. Fkin Gryffindors. And WHERE was the coffee? Why was there only pumpkin juice? What did Gryffindors DRINK???

He kept an eye on the doors, Harry was going to walk in with HIS body, most likely. Then he could drag them both away and try work out a counter-potion.

Weasley was trying to get his attention by waving a hand in his face.

“Fuck off,” he muttered, pushing the hand away from him.

Granger looked horrified. He smirked, he’d insult her later too, that would be fun.

Finally, Potter-Draco walked in and… what was he wearing. Oh FUCK NO.

He stormed out of his seat, grabbing Harry by the wrist and dragging him out of the hall back towards the dungeons.

“...Er, Draco, is that you?” Harry asked.

“Yes Potter obviously!” he snapped, scowling. “What the fuck are you wearing? Where did you even find that? Go and change right now and do something with my hair before I murder your body!” he demanded.

Harry blinked, it was weird to see himself with such a owlish expression.

“And stop making me look weird!” he demanded.

“Okay, okay” Harry rolled his eyes, “but I don’t know what to wear, I just put on what looked comfortable...”

Draco glared at him.

Unfortunately, Pansy turned the corner at that exact moment, probably on her way to the Great Hall from the the common room.

She stopped and looked at them, “Draco… Potter?”  she said confused.

Draco whirled on her furiously, “Pansy, Potter is making me fucking look weird because he’s in my body and you need to go and make him change before I throw him off of the Astronomy Tower!” he growled.

Pansy looking between them a few times, seeing Harry Potter’s scowling, angry face and Draco Malfoy with messy hair, slacks and looking at Potter with an amused expression. She bit her lip, then started howling with laughter.  

“PANSY!” Draco shouted indignantly.

Harry was smiling at him, making his face look all dopey again. The asshole!  

“Stop making me scowl like that,” Harry said, “I’m pretty sure you like it better when I smile.”

Draco was furious, but he couldn’t punch Potter because it was his body, and even though his boyfriend was… kind of right. THIS WAS NOT THE TIME NOR PLACE!

Pansy was still laughing, leaning against the wall and clutching her stomach.

“This was Snape’s fault wasn’t it” Harry said.

Draco snorted, “most likely,”

He grabbed Harry’s wrist and dragged him towards the dorms, Pansy followed although she was still cackling madly. “So, that’s why Blaise thought you were ill, because you weren’t awake 2 hours before breakfast doing your hair… Omg Blaise said you fell out of bed and smacked into a table!!” Pansy cackled.

“I… I was looking for my glasses, and then I realised I could see and I was surprised!” Harry exclaimed looking embarrassed.

“STOP MAKING ME USE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS” Draco shouted.

Harry snorted and started laughing. Now they were both laughing at him! The twats!!

Pansy stopped him from going into the common room.

“You need to wait here, since you aren’t a Slytherin right now you could get in trouble” she said with a Slytherin smile.

“Yes, but I don’t trust you not to make me look like an idiot” Draco snarled.

Pansy just winked at him, “awww what makes you think I’d do that” she smirked. “Just go to your first class and we will meet you there.”

She closed the entrance on him and he fumed for a while before stalking off… he didn’t even know Harry’s timetable that well… At least he knew it was double potions first.

He went into the classroom and promptly ignored all of the Gryffindors, taking a seat at his usual bench because he was not risking any of them blowing up a potion near him.

Eventually Pansy turned up, smirking… what had she done. Harry walked in and there was a collective number of gasps from the other students. he looked at his own body walking towards him………………………………………………

“Pansy why?” he growled.

She smirked and wrapped a Slytherin scarf around his neck,

“because. It’s. funny.” she said and skipped over to her table.

Harry sat down next to him, in full Gryffindor clothing, the scarf, the jumper, even the gloves, and he was blushing bright red.

“Sttoooop doiiing thaat tooo my faaceeee” Draco hissed.

“Sorry,” Harry muttered, everyone was still staring at them and now whispering excitedly.

“Forget it,” Draco growled as Severus swept into the room in a fabulous whirlwind of billowing robes.

He stopped in front of their desk and gave them a mocking smile, then continued to the board.

Draco clenched his fists, “oh fuck no,” he whispered, “he’s going down now.”

Harry was laughing at him again, somehow he found this whole situation amusing, he glared at him.

Harry turned to smirk at him. “I know how we can get revenge, we just need your potions knowledge” he said.

Draco quirked an eyebrow, his boyfriend could be very Slytherin when he wanted to be.

Instead of the Draught of Living Death, which they were meant to be brewing, Draco made a list of ingredients for Harry to get and they began their plan to get back at Severus.

Severus was eyeing them suspiciously but didn’t seem to want to draw attention to them, so he was letting them brew in peace. Draco was sending glares at him whenever their eyes met. You’re going down, Sev. You better hope someone sends an SOS (Save Our Severus) out for you…

The class ended and Draco made a vial of the potion and left it on Sev’s desk with a smirk, it was just starting to bubble and when it exploded the results would be very, very entertaining.

They both quickly exited the room, Draco ignoring Granger and Weasleys attempts to walk with him and Harry being dragged out by Pansy before Draco could murder them both for dressing him up in Gryffindor clothing.

FUCK, the rest of his classes today weren’t with Potter, that meant he had to interact with Gryffindors. Ew Gryffindors. What if they touch me? I don’t have any hand sanitiser...

-

 

Dear ~~Diary~~ Journal,

Hahaha Potter actually calls this a diary, what is he a girl? … Fuck I love him.

Anyway, I had divination class. And Trelawney told me I was going to die. Pfft, good fucking luck, does she really think anything can kill Harry fucking Potter? He defeated Mouldynose last year and she still makes predictions about his death.

But, Weasley fucking touched me and said. Quote: “Wut’s ur prob’lem 2day, m8”

I almost barfed at the sound of his voice. But thankfully I am a Malfoy and I know the proper decorum for these situations. I told him he was a dirty redhead that although friends with me (Potter), really didn’t deserve to be prefect or to touch me in any kind of manor.

I then had to use a lot of sanitiser to get the smudge stain off of my wrist where he grabbed me.

Granger didn’t like it when I said this and started preaching about how I was acting different today and should be nicer to them as they were my (Potter’s) friends.

I suppose I will allow it, since Potter probably does want to keep his ‘friends’ even if they are Weasel and Granger.

So I said: I’m sorry that you got offended by the truth. And walked away.

I thought it was quite civil of me, after all I actually apologised. Do you see the things I do for you Potter?

TBC, I have Ancient Runes class and I actually like this one so I will pay attention.

-

 

Several Gryffindors cornered him and asked him why he was wearing a Slytherin scarf and why Malfoy was wearing Gryffindor clothes, he told them it was a cruel prank then pushed them out of his way. There was probably rumours that they were dating now… after they’d been trying so fucking hard to hide it! This was probably also part of Severus’s plan.

After what felt like the longest day he’d ever had, classes ended and Draco immediately went to find Harry.

He knew his own schedule, which meant Harry should be in DADA, so after a large amount of stalking Harry finally left his class and Draco dragged him away before Pansy could be mischievous.

“Do you know what kind of a day I’ve had Potter, Weasel and Granger are a nightmare, and I hope you appreciate me making your grades go up because they most certainly have already.” he said, crossing his arms and pouting  glaring.  

Harry rubbed the back of his head nervously, “sorry about them, I know you still don’t like them that much even with the war being over… but could you PLEASE do something about Pansy? Apparently, I don’t enunciate correctly and she keeps elbowing me in the ribs” he huffed.

That got his attention, “she’s elbowing you? BUT I BRUISE EASILY!” he hissed.

“Yeah I know,” said Harry lifting his shirt and showing a few purple bruises, “she has sharps elbows too”

Draco growled. “As soon as I find out what potion this was and brew an antidote I’m going to sneak into her toiletries and put orange hair dye in her shampoo!”

Harry laughed softly and smiled at him… He’s making me look weird again. Draco glared.

“I’m glad you find this so amusing” he huffed crossing his arms.

Harry smiled and pulled him closer, “it is kind of amusing” he said. “And I’m taller than you~” he said smirking and resting his head on Draco’s hair.

Draco hissed in annoyance, “stop it, it’s weird when you’re me!” he said.

Pansy’s voice echoed down the hallway, “he probably snuck away from me, but no one can escape”

Blaise's voice came after, “escape what? That’s ominous”

Draco growled and started stalking towards them.

“Pansy!” he shouted when they came into view, “if you keep leaving bruises on my body I will murder you in your sleep!”

“Oh there they are” Pansy grinned and ran over to him.

Harry was following slowly, and looking far too amused.

“Wait, how did you bruise Potter?” Blaise said looking confused.

Draco glared at him and pointed to his body. “That’s me, I’m just stuck in this body, if you hurt my body I will murder you.” he said.

Pansy was cackling to herself again. Whereas Blaise just looked incredibly confused.

“I don’t think Draco’s body belongs to you Potter” he said.

“That’s not what he said last night” Harry said smirking.

Draco whirled around in fury. “SHUT UPPPPP POTTER!” he shouted.

Harry sighed, “I think it’s about time we tell people, and I think Pansy worked it out during class anyway, she kept asking me if I knew how gay you were for me...”

Draco masked his feelings and looked at Pansy who was looking at him very seriously.

“He’s right, I’ve been thinking there was something going on for a while. When were you going to tell me that you’re dating Potter” she said.

Draco sighed. Fuck. Now all of his planning had gone to shit. Mother would be furious that she wasn’t the first to know. “When I had enough blackmail to make sure you couldn’t spread it around the school,” he replied.   

Pansy looked as though all of her dreams were becoming real. “Do you know how long I have been waiting for this Draco” she said menacingly. “You’ve been in to him since fourth year!”

“I have not!!” Draco squawked, ignoring his boyfriends dopey grin… Goddamnit!

“Wait, wait, so you two swapped bodies?” Blaise said. “And you’re dating?”

Harry shrugged, “pretty much, but we haven’t really told anyone yet, about the dating thing. In fact we weren’t going to but since Draco keeps impulsively shouting at Pansy anyway, I thought we might as well.” he said,

Draco glared at him, “this is all your fault Potter” he growled.

“Yeah, yeah” said Harry, “and can you let go of my body Pansy” he frowned, “and Draco stop making me scowl like that, you’re going to give me stress wrinkles.”

Draco screeched.

Eventually they pulled him towards the Great Hall for dinner.

“You seem stressed Draco” said Harry, smiling at him cutely.

“Stop making me look cute Potter” Draco hissed. “I’m not stressed, I’m just tired of this shit.”

Harry fucking patted his head.

Draco breathed and calmed down… slightly. Pansy was giving them gooey eyes… UGHHH.

They walked into the Great Hall and everyone was fucking staring at him… Oh right, he just came in with a bunch of Slytherins and he still had a Slytherin scarf around his neck.

He sat at the end of the Gryffindor table saltily and started putting salt in his food because he was 100% done with this day and he needed to make an antidote as fast as possible so he could go back to not caring and being in his own body.

Then Sev walked in.

With the same billowing cape and deep scowl. But half the size and glaring at him horribly as he walked from the entrance of the Great Hall past all of the students.

… Yes his de-aging potion worked perfectly.

Everyone was staring as Severus walked up to the teachers table and sat down like nothing was wrong. The seat was way too big for him and he looked adorable with just his head showing.

Harry burst out laughing.

Draco glared at him. He’s making me laugh! Pansy was elbowing him and Blaise was looking worriedly at Draco.

Severus looked as though someone was going to die. And Draco couldn’t let it be his body… or his boyfriend he guessed. So he glared at Harry who was sniggering uncontrollably at the Slytherin table.

Wow, everyone in the Great Hall was silent.

Sev stood up on his chair and said loudly in his not yet broken voice. “So, this is how it’s going to be. Prepare for war Mr Malfoy, Mr Potter.” and sat down again.

He carried on eating his dinner as if he hadn’t just made a war declaration.

No one in the Great Hall spoke for about 5 minutes, and Harry was still sniggering.

Then excited hushed whispers broke out and Draco was done. He left and went to bed because he wasn’t going to put up with Gryffindors tonight.

-

Dear ~~Diary~~ Journal

Weasel has been a nightmare today. He keeps asking me what I did to Sev and why I’m hanging out with Slytherins.

Is he an idiot? It’s no wonder Harry hasn’t told them that we’re dating, they have made fun of me like four times this morning! FOR LAUGHING!! IT WASN’T ME LAUGHING IT WAS POTTER IN MY BODY!!!

Anyway, I may have hexed Weasley’s shoes to slowly get smaller throughout the day. I hope he likes squished feet.

I went into the Great Hall earlier and now I have pink hair. I mean my body has pink hair, obviously Sev has been trying to get back at me but I don’t mind, I look great no matter the colour I wear… Although Harry seems embarrassed and keeps blushing which makes me look weird… wait, that was probably Severus’s plan… damnit.

So far he hasn’t done anything to me or Harry’s body, but I’m waiting for it and thinking of ways to retaliate, the war is on and I will win and return to my body.

Ew, Granger is talking to me while I write this ajhentdf

-

Granger pulled the book out of his hand.

He snatched it back, “the fuck do you want?” he hissed. Who just grabs someone's book? She was meant to be smart but she was a real bitch.

She was glaring at him to.

“I really don’t appreciate the way you’ve been treating me and Ron, Harry” she said, “either tell us what is going on or I will find out for myself”

Draco sneered at her, “whatever, do what you like” he said.

She walked away with her nose in the air. She probably thought Potter would ask for forgiveness or something and not want to be alone.

To be fair, he’d seen Harry do that several times, just like in fourth year when he had a fight with Weasel (best year of his life), but then he forgave Ron even though the Weasel said so much shit about him and ignored him for half the year? Ugh his boyfriend was an idiot… anyway back to writing.

-

Ew, Granger is talking to me while I write this ~~ajhentdf..~~

It’s Friday today, which means I can finally have some peace and quiet and hang out with my boyfriend <3 ...although it’s going to be weird with him in my body and seeing myself with pink hair. Snape was going to pay for that...

Longbottom tried to talk to me earlier today too, but he was like, weirdly nice? Like he said I was amazing for pulling a prank on Snape and he supported me if I wanted to hang out with or date any Slytherins??? I’m shook.

TBC, I’m going to make Harry look good before we meet up, Harry needs to learn how to style his hair properly and how to look good in clothing.

-

 

He threw Harry’s invisibility cloak over himself. Yes obviously he knew about the cloak, that’s how he and Harry met up this year without his friends finding out. Draco was a prefect which meant he could walk around the corridors all night and no one could stop him. But now he was in Harry’s body so he was demoted to hiding under a cloak.

They met in the usual spot.

Harry’s face lit up when he saw him.

Draco glared.

“You’re scowling again” Harry said.

“And you’re ruining my face” he hissed back. “Did Pansy pick that out for you” he said gesturing to Harry’s clothing. It actually looked good.

“She helped a little, mostly with your hair though, I didn’t know what to do considering it’s pink and she kept saying I looked amazing” he said anxiously. Draco tried to ignore the jealousy of Pansy complimenting his boyfriend. “What have you done to my hair” Harry said reaching out to touch it.

“I’ve tamed it” he said smugly. “But I wouldn’t touch it if I were you, there are enough charms keeping it in place that your hand may get frozen in place.”

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled his hand back. “Good luck keeping it that way,” he smiled, “anyway… uhh it’s weird staring at myself like that… this is weird”

“Agreed. Let’s just think of ways to mess with Severus” said Draco smirking evilly. “I’m going to mess with his potions supplies” he cackled.

“I have a stash of muggle superglue that I can make great use of” Harry grinned.

“I don’t know what superglue is but you sounded evil when you said that so, good job” said Draco.

“Pansy said I could visit the Slytherin common room when I return to my body too” Harry said.

“She would say that, she probably just wants to annoy me!” Draco replied, leaning back against Harry and resting his head on his shoulder.

“She also initiated me into Slytherin house, apparently that involves stealing alcohol from the kitchen and hitting on me to make me uncomfortable,” Harry mused.

Draco growled, “she’d better stop flirting with you or I’m going to bring her down with Snape!” Pansy was likely only doing it to annoy him, but it was REALLY annoying him!

Harry smiled, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and kissing Draco’s cheek.

Draco glared at him, “that was a pathetic kiss Potter”

“Yes but it’s weird staring at myself when I do it” Harry replied.

Draco seethed, “stupid Snape and his stupid potion, he’s ruining our dating life and he’s already ruined my perfect Slytherin image!”

“You mean your, hate everybody, ‘mean to everyone and making sure people still don’t like you even though the war has ended’ image” asked Harry.

“Exactly!” he huffed.

 

Dear ~~Diary~~ Journal,

I decided I didn’t want to sleep alone in the Gryffindor tower with Weasels snoring so I’ve joined Harry in the Slytherin dorms…. Don’t tell Pansy.

It’s much more comfortable sleeping next to Potter anyway. And now Pansy knows the other Slytherins will probably find out within the week, but it wouldn’t be too bad when the truth finally comes out… at least they had each other.

Hehe, Harry was going to be pissed when he found out he’d charmed Hermione's notes to erase her writing 5 minutes after she wrote anything… kekeke

TBC, snuggling with my BF <3

-

 

Prank War begins:

Day 1

Severus woke up, willing to put the whole prank war behind him. Then he went into his potions storage cupboard to make a antidote to the de-aging potion and the body-swap potion he’d snuck into their evening pumpkin juice the other day.

That is until he tried to pull a pot of bat wings off of the shelf and found it full of toads eyes.

He frowned, why was this labelled wrong. He went through his other ingredients. They were all labelled wrong! Who did this? Who touched his ingredients-- wait.

There was a little sticky note on the door.

I moved some of your labels around,

Have fun sorting it out

>:3c

From Draco in Harry’s body

OH HELL TO THE NO. THE LITTLE SHIT GOT INTO HIS POTIONS!

THIS SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

He waited until he saw them in the Great Hall at breakfast then charmed their pumpkin juice goblets to start singing 99 green bottles repeatedly and follow them around all day.

They looked furious throughout breakfast and he smiled smugly as he watched Draco get pestered by Weasley. He most certainly hoped hexes weren’t about to get thrown around. and he swiftly left before they could retaliate on him.

Minerva came to his office later in the day and scolded him for making the goblets magic resistant. They’d disrupted her class. He was feeling far too smug to apologise about her class being ruined. The singing spell would wear off soon anyway.

-

 

Day 2

The next prank didn’t happen until the next day at breakfast. He was walking past the students tables, he could hear the students talking about him and wondering why he was now 11 but he still managed to make potions better than them.

He caught movement in the corner of his eye, it was Potter... he started walking faster.

Hands grabbed him, picked him up and carted him off out of the Great Hall.

He hissed at his short 11 year old body and small legs.

“Put me down” he demanded.

It was Malfoy and Potter, damnit they’d cornered him. Harry smirked evilly at him as he put him down. They grabbed his head, put his hair in pigtails then ran down the corridor.

He growled, those little shits weren’t getting away that easy.

He threw a spell at them as they ran and their clothes turned into summer dresses.

“Severus!” said Minerva. Oh great. “Are you throwing spells in the corridors!” she looked disappointed but she was also hiding a smile.

“I threw, a spell Minerva, there is nothing plural about it” he said.

Then swept away with what dignity he had left, forgetting that his hair was still in pigtails.

He sent a letter to Lucius in the hopes that he would STOP his son from continuing these silly pranks!

He then tried to get into his office and found the door stuck, not even alohomora would open it… Potter.

-

 

Day 3

Draco finished turning all of Severus’s clothes yellow and rushed up to the Great Hall just in time for dinner. Harry smiled at him, that meant his part of the plan had worked. Severus was sat at the teachers table in Hufflepuff robes and Dumbledore was offering him a lemon drop. His face looked extra sour.

They’d also spread it around the school that young Severus was a Hufflepuff and that he’d been resorted that morning. Most people knew that this was just a silly rumour, but it didn’t stop people from talking about it.

He smirked evilly and cackled, the Gryffindors around him looked worried, probably thinking their saviour had lost his mind. Harry could deal with that when he was back in his own body.  

Wait, Severus was leaving… he couldn’t be planning another prank on them already? Then again, it had only taken them one day to get the whole Hufflepuff Snape plan set up...

-

Meanwhile, Snape cackled as he picked up Draco’s hundreds of galleons worth of clothes.

Oh yes, the Merpeople were certainly going to enjoy seeing these floating on top of the lake.

-

 

Day 4

“How did he do this?” asked Harry.

“He’s the head of house, fuck I should have known he could get into our rooms,” Draco cursed himself.

“Well how are we going to get our stuff back!” Demanded Harry.

“You aren’t allowed to get my hair wet” Draco hissed, thinking up some spells to get the plastic see-through ball full of their clothes out of the middle of the lake.

Accio wasn’t working, obvious Sev had thought they’d try that.

“Think of a way to get our stuff, I need to go plot revenge” said Draco, growling.

Harry sighed as his boyfriend left him alone staring at the lake… he was so over dramatic sometimes, <3 <3

He used a bubble head charm, so Draco couldn’t complain about him getting his hair wet and then went for a swim… and yes other students saw and gaped. But Draco would have to forgive him for that.

When he finished he was hauling his stuff back to his room when he ran into Peeves.

He smirked.

“Hey Peeves, do you want to know what would be the most annoying thing in the world to do to someone?” he said.

Peeves swooped down from talking to some portraits.

“I already know the most annoying thing” he said.

“Oh no, this is really really annoying, in fact if you did it to a teacher, like Professor Snape, I’m sure they’d be seething with rage.” he said.

Peeves looked curious now, “what is it?” he asked.

-

Severus was furious, the little shits had convinced Peeves to follow him with a pair of cymbals, he was banging them furiously and he could barely hear himself think!

He quickly found the bloody baron and told him to go practice some dad jokes on Harry Potter who would certainly appreciate them a lot. Then he walked towards the Great Hall for dinner.

As he walked past the second hall portraits one of them burst into song:

 

_Sevvy Sevvy Snape Snape_

_Thinks he is so great great_

_Flouncing in his cape cape_

_What’s his name ?_

_Sevvy McSnape Snape_

 

He whirled around to stare at the portrait, suddenly more of them were joining in.

 

_Sevvy Sevvy Snape Snape_

_Isn’t Hufflepuff great great_

_Showing off his yellow cape cape_

_What’s his name?_

_Sevvy McSnape Snape_

 

This was Draco’s fault! Only he would make a fucking song about him and teach it to all of the portraits on the second floor! The portraits continued as he stormed back towards the dungeons. That little shit was going to get it now.

 

_Sevvy Sevvy Snape Snape_

_His pigtails are so great great_

_An 11-year-old in a cape cape_

_What’s his name?_

_Sevvy McSnape Snape_

 

He slammed open the door. And froze.

Narcissa was stood in the dungeons with her arms crossed.

“I’ve had so many letters from Hogwarts the past few days, from several different teachers telling me that you and my son were getting too carried away... So, I thought I’d visit” she said looking down at 11-year-old Severus who was still dressed in yellow robes because whatever that little shit had done to them he couldn’t seem to change them back.

Shit.

She stormed up to the Great Hall, grabbed Harry and Draco and dragged their asses down to the dungeons where Severus was sat with his arms crossed and looking very put out.

“You called my mother?” Draco hissed at him.

“I assure you, I only called your father, I would never call Narcissa when a prank war is involved” Severus drawled.

“So,” Narcissa said cheerily, “what’s this all about Draco” she said looking straight at him, even though he was in Harry’s body.

How did she know? “Sev swapped mine and Potters bodies” he said, pointing at the potions professor.

Narcissa smiled sweetly, “so you started this Severus?”

Snape glared at them as though he’d been betrayed. “They de-aged me!” he countered.

“He put our clothes in a plastic bubble and threw it out on to the lake!!” Draco shouted.

“They’re dating” Snape shouted back smugly.

Narcissa whirled around and Draco glared at Severus, “oh you asshole” he muttered at Severus’s Cheshire cat grin.

“I expect antidotes to be handed out… Now” she snapped.

Severus quickly obeyed and he and Draco started getting the antidotes together.

Meanwhile Narcissa pulled Harry aside and stared at him sharply.

“Tell it to me straight, how long have you been dating my son?” she asked.

“About 7 months, and there isn’t anything straight about it” Harry said.

Draco face-palmed.

Mother didn't look upset though, she looked rather amused, “I expect the two of you to follow proper courting etiquette, no more hiding” she said.

Harry looked nervous, “w-we haven’t actually told anyone yet”

“Then you should soon,” she said, “Severus. A word.” she said, walking over to the teachers desk where Severus was slowly becoming an adult. She started reprimanding him for starting the Slytherin prank wars again.

“I guess, we can tell people” Draco muttered.

Harry bit his lip, “w-well, should we? I mean I haven’t told Ron or Hermione yet, and they might get mad…”

Draco glared at him, “oh, so it’s okay to tell my friends about it, but not yours?”

“No, no I just mean, my friends might react a lot worse than your friends did…” Harry said.

“If you care what they think so much then why date me at all?” he huffed. “I’m going to bed” he announced loudly. He was far too tired to fight with Harry right now. He left Harry looking upset.

“Goodnight darling,” his mother called after him, “Severus will make sure that both of you are back in your own bodies by morning” she said cheerily.

Snape grumbled.

-

 

The next morning Draco indeed woke up in his own body, he sighed in relief and spent a while making sure he looked as perfect as always. When Pansy found out she huffed and muttered about wanting to get to know Draco’s boyfriend better so that she could blackmail him. Draco just rolled his eyes and sneered.

He sat in the Great Hall like it was an average day. Although he had to ignore everyone staring at him when he came in, after the past few days they were probably waiting for something to happen. But not today, even Sev was sitting gloomily at the teachers table, probably after getting scolded by mother.

Eventually Harry came in, he was holding his diary… oh he’d probably been reading all of Draco’s entries… They were much better than Harry’s entries which were far more boring in his opinion.

Wait, Harry was walking over to him.

Draco huffed and looked away, he was still annoyed about last night so Potter better not be thinking of trying to ask forgiveness.

Harry sat down next to him, cupped his cheek and pulled  him into a deep kiss. Pansy squealed loudly next to them, and he was pretty sure someone took a photo.

He pulled back, blushing furiously. “Potter” he muttered.

Harry smiled that dopey grin that looked much better on Harry’s face.

“Now everyone knows, I won’t hide it” he said.

Then turned and started talking to the Slytherins like he was one of them.

The Gryffindors looked flabbergasted and some had fallen out of their seats in shock.

Draco sighed, he really did love his boyfriend, even if he was an idiot.

 

The End.

-

Epilogue

"So, now Draco’s ostracised me from my friends and they won’t believe me about the body-swap" Harry complained.

Pansy took a sip of tea. They were sat comfortably in the Slytherin dorms.

"Draco probably just wants you all to himself, I’m sure your Gryffindor friends will forgive you."

He gave her a disdainful look and turned to the snake statue on the wall.

" _Ron’s acting like he did in fourth year and Hermione too busy freaking out over her notes disappearing"_ he hissed.

" _that’ssss too bad"_ the statue hissed back.

Pansy dropped her tea cup and several Slytherins turned to gape at him.

Draco chose that moment to intervene, "must you do that Harry? You’ll make other Slytherins fall for you"

Harry just smirked. "You mean like you did?"

Draco sat on his boyfriends lap and glared at everyone in the room.

"You’re mine" Draco snapped.

Harry just kissed him.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Draco is over dramatic, but... oh well. It's Draco.  
> Severus would 100% be this petty and you can't tell me otherwise. He faced off against Sirius and James in school.
> 
> Let me know if there are mistakes. I've read it so many times I've stopped noticing.


End file.
